This past couple weeks have been hectic ending in a near collapse when I finally realized I was simply too damn sick and I crawled into bed and stayed in there for almost 5 days. That was my fault. I ignored the lung infection I get from Lupus about a week too long. And I paid for it.
I’m slowly coming back to life. I’m still not in my best shape but a darn bit better. I have to be, tomorrow is going to be a long day. It was also separation and change. My half sister who had cancer finally died from it. Her track record was excellent. The average life expectancy of her cancer was 18 months after diagnosis. She had 5 years. I always said she would die when she was good and ready and not before. She did exactly that.
Grief is absent, not just because that was done a long time ago, but the recent changes on the political scene here which has led me to the exit plan aka “Sitting on a beach somewhere yelling BRING ME ANOTHER” led me to realize that I simply have no family. They voted for someone who opposes what I am to the core. And brushed it off. Money means more to them than I do. Than standing up for me. My Family is now my family. The biological ones can go bugger themselves. They showed me what they think of me. I’m sure they don’t quite understand that yet. They will figure it out. They are a tad slow on the uptake. It’s not like I chose to be around that many of them anyway but those have joined the ‘go bugger yourself’ group.
It’s complex. It’s freeing at the same time it is scary. I have friend. I have good friends. They are there. That helps. But this also brought things to light I always knew but preferred to avoid. And now, I have no excuses. It’s do or die. That simple. And I refuse to lay down and die. I will go down fighting. I will go down resisting.
It occurred to me that these times are when we have the choice of showing what we are and putting as they say, our money where our mouths were. We say we want change. We warble if only.
We need be careful because we may end up with no other choice but change. And this is a time that will bring this all to light.
Stay strong, be true and go down fighting.