Written for: Green-Eyed Lady
Jealous per Dictionary.com: feeling resentment against someone because of that person’s rivalry, success, or advantages.
Resentment kills. I can’t afford resentment and frankly? It doesn’t do me any good to feel it. Resenting someone or something doesn’t get me where I want to go. I think I need to remind myself of this today…
AA offers some prayers to help. In fact they offer a lot of prayers to help. Resentment is a biggie in an addictive personalities life. It’s a great excuse to act out. All that lovely anger has to go somewhere. The prayers point you back where you need to go. At yourself and your own behavior not at the situation with the other guy.
“God, please help me to honestly take stock. Help me to search out the flaws in my make-up which caused my failure. Help me to see where resentment has plagued me and resulted in spiritual malady, but more importantly help me to understand my part in these resentments. Help me to resolutely look for my own mistakes and to understand where I had been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened. Please help me to be searching and fearless in my endeavor to write my inventory.”
And let me tell you a fearless and searching moral inventory is a bitch. I know quite a few people who aren’t alcoholics who could use one. It’s really pissy when you realize you are the one responsible. Like the saying goes, “You are what your parents made you, if you stay that way, it’s your own damn fault.” And let me tell you, giving up those resentments you lovingly stored in your closet is a real PIA. You don’t want forgive that asshole. You don’t want to see them as human. And you damn well don’t want to admit that it takes two to tango. Just because an asshole enjoys being an asshole is no reason for you to get your panties in a twist. Let them be. Move on. Give up the game. Jealousy only works when you work at it. Own your part and head out the damn door. Life is too short to be messing with resentment and jealousy when you could be living it and having fun… well… unless you are the asshole.
Today I don’t get jealous. Today I get productive and I practice letting go of things that aren’t good for me. If I am jealous, I need to look at why I am jealous then I need to fix that part of me that I think is inadequate and is a failing. Sometimes it is and sometimes I just need to redo my priorities.
The only thing jealous is good for is the next damn drink.