Never include that in a NYT best seller or Mac’s near brush with losing a hot dog.

His book was on the best sellers list and it was the worst possible thing that could have happened.

5 minutes worth of writing.

Mac opened the paper again, stared at the best sellers listing as if it might change then slapped the paper shut and threw it. Will was going to neuter him with a dull spoon. Without anaesthesia. Shit. How could this happen? Statistics said first books fail and no one reads them. He picked the publisher because of the low circulation. He did everything he could to not market the damn book. And it was a best seller. He wondered if it was dignified if a FBI agent cried at his best seller. Hell, he had never written anything before. It was supposed to fail.

The phone rang. Hesitating, Mac considered that Will couldn’t have bought and read the book that fast. “Hello?”

“Mac! Great job. They want a sequel.” His agent bubbled into the phone.

“No.” Mac slammed the phone down. It rang again and he picked it up. “I said No.”

“No what?” Will asked.

“Oh nothing I thought you were the telemarketer calling back after I hung up on him.” Mac looked heavenward and prayed.

“We are having the Barbecue on Saturday and Joe wants to know if you have a plus one since you broke up with the hairdresser.”

“Um.. Yeah. I’m bringing Dan.” Mac added silently to himself. And he can patch me up after you cut my nuts off if you read that damn book.

“Okay. I’ll let him know. See you Saturday, Mac. Bye.”

Mac held the phone listening to a dial tone. Gently putting it back on the receiver, he sank onto the sofa and moaned. “I am so fucked. Why? What ever possessed me to write that? Why?”

“Write what?” Dan ran a towel through his red hair to dry it as he walked into the room.

“The book.”

“Oh that book. The one with Will and you and the case about….”

“Just stop. Please. He’s going to know it was me.” Mac buried his face in his hands.

“Well, yeah. I mean your name is on the cover. But after all you did change some things around like your name and Will’s name and the only reason I know it is because I was working in your department as a favour for my boss.”

“But Will was there. I was there. We are both in it. Will’s going to know.” Mac drew in a ragged breath. “He’s going to cut my nuts off.”

“Probably. I’ll miss them. I rather like Sam and Harry and their friend HD.”


“Hot Dog. A nice large hot dog.” He made an oof sound when Mac picked him up and threw him over his shoulder. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m about to celebrate my last days with a hot dog.” He carried Dan toward the bedroom.

As Will and Joe settled into bed, Will flipped open the cover of Mac’s book. Joe had bought it at the farming conference he attended last weekend.

Joe glanced up from his report. “It made the New York Times best seller list.”

“Really? Great.” Will buried himself in the book.

Joe was reading the statistics of GMO seed sales and organic seed sales again when he heard Will yell, “That son of a bitch.”

“What?” He put down the reports and turned to his lover.

“He wrote this about an old case. It’s about us. That son of a bitch included everything. Absolutely everything.”

“He changed the name right?”

“Oh yeah but he left everything intact. I mean everything.” Will started to climb out of bed. “I’m going over there and kill the son of a bitch.”

Joe grabbed his arm. “Wait. I don’t understand why you are so mad.”

“Joe, it is about us. Us… Mac and I. It has everything about how we got together including sex. I mean everything.”

“He included what you did in bed in the damn book?” Joe let go of his arm.

“Yes.” Will hissed it as he headed for the closet to grab his clothes. “I’m going over there and kill the son of a bitch.”

“I’m helping.” Joe threw back the covers and joined him at the closet.

Part II is located here


One thought on “Never include that in a NYT best seller or Mac’s near brush with losing a hot dog.

Comments are closed.