It all depends on how you want to live your life

Hindsight is 20-20. Won’t argue that point at all.  We all have it.  After the fact doesn’t do us much good and neither does ruminating over what “we could have, should have, if only I would have” done.  There is one thing a recovering drunk knows, they can’t play that game.  You can’t rewrite shit.  You can’t do over. You get one chance and one chance only.  You blow it?  It stays blown.

Rumination leads to places you don’t want to go.  If only will kill you.  It makes you angry, resentful, frustrated.  Yep. You blew it.  Let it go and move on.  The next time, speak up.  Open your big mouth because that is what it is there for.  Stand up.  Speak up.  You don’t get a second chance and going home to nurse the grievance or write silly stories of what you thought you should do is pure waste of time.  Just do it.  It’s your choice and only your choice.  No one makes you do anything because you have to choose to do it.  You can stop the action at any time and change the course.   If you don’t?  It’s on you.

Take the example in the Daily Post.  What was to stop her from simply saying “Why does what I eat bother you so much?  I’m enjoying my food.  I hope you are enjoying your food.  I would like us to spend an enjoyable time together so I am not sure why my dietary habits is bothering you.  Could you explain it to me?”   Now the responsibility of the person’s actions are on them.  Trust me, they will shut up once the attention is drawn to their behaviour.   And they might give you a better understanding of them.  For all you know this is how their family behaved at meal time and she didn’t realize what she was doing was hurtful.  Not everyone operates on the same wavelength.  If she was being nasty, she just got called to account and isn’t likely to do that again.

Much better to end it than let it go on and on and on so you can stew and go home and write a “How it should have been” post which is a great way to grow your anger and frustration.   And let you go out and do the same shit again the next day with the same results.

How hard is it to ask what the problem is?  Seriously?   Open that big mouth and ask.  You want snarky come backs?  Honey? I could shred you but today, I choose not to be a snarky bitch and simply to clear the air.  Why? Because snark or the old “Had I known the entrées at this restaurant came with a side of judgement and nastiness, I would have suggested we meet for dessert instead.” does nothing except gain enemies, give a good dose of self-righteousness, and create a crappy day.   All because you couldn’t open your big mouth and ask what is going on.  If you can open it for a pathetic attempt at snark [trust me on the snark scale that is poor for a comeback line], you can open it to ask “Hey what’s going on?  There seems to be a problem here.”

The sign of an adult is finding out what the devil is going on.  Sometimes you can fix it.  Sometimes you can’t.  When you can’t, you simply let it go after expressing your feelings in a calm manner.  A “those statements really hurt my feelings.  Please don’t make them any more. If you choose to do so, I am leaving because I choose not to be hurt today.”That simple.  You just have to have the courage to open your mouth and find out what’s going on.  Saves a lot of emotional energy being wasted.



4 thoughts on “It all depends on how you want to live your life

  1. I completely agree with this: “The sign of an adult is finding out what the devil is going on. Sometimes you can fix it. Sometimes you can’t.” So many shoot off at the mouth or stew. It’s not easy growing up.

    1. Being an adult is not easy. One of the hardest lessons is not to be a mind reader. Assuming someone knows what someone is thinking or why they are doing it usually gets the person doing the assuming into a worse situation. Simply turning around and facing it head on with a “here is how I see this. Could you tell me how you see it?” is the first step because once I understand where the other person is coming from, I can then make my decisions about what is right for me.

      1. yes. but very difficult for many folks who will view this as confrontational. when, in fact, this is just what we could call– fact-gathering…

      2. Some will. If you are asking in a calm reasonable manner, then it’s on them. We cannot control how others react or think but we can control our own actions. If they weren’t talking to me in the first place what relationship did we have to begin with? Today I choose friends who will talk to me and trust me with their feelings. They will say “Here is what I see or hear, is this what is going on? We need to talk.” We may not see eye to eye but we do respect each other’s opinions and feelings. It was a hard lesson for me to learn when I was always a person who felt I had the full responsibility of my relationships and didn’t allow the other person to have their share.

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