Please, take her. We don’t want her.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Cousin It.”

I always say our family put the Dys in Function.   In this case the prize winner for the biggest dysfunction is my Aunt.  Her kids are normal.  Her husband is wonderful.   If you remember Steel Magnolia’s there is a scene where Ousier tells M’Lynn: “It’s not your fault, M’Lynn. Ya know, l used to think you were crazy for marryin’ that man. Then, for a few years, l thought you were glutton for punishment. Now l realize you must be on some mission from God.”

In our case, it’s my Uncle who is on the mission from God for marrying my Aunt.  Mother always said she was spoiled but it goes beyond that.

She’s called my nephew’s girlfriend who she never met and asked her if my nephew has given her a ring.  When the girlfriend said no, her reply was ‘well, why not? You need to make him give you a ring.’  The last time I saw her, I was telling Uncle about the insurance which might not have a copay for them and she interrupted with very nasty. “You’re a Weasel.”   My reply was “yes, and I’m a weasel who keeps my money because I know a good thing when I see it.” and I smiled at her.   She shut up.  And this is the woman who claims she loved her sister, my mother but treats me like shit.  She hasn’t called me in 20 years.  I’m sure she thinks she is punishing me but frankly, I’m so glad I don’t have to hang up on her.

She had a hissy fit and stopped working at the church she belongs to in her town.  She was helping clean it.  When she went back several months later, after she proved her point, she told the minster that she would be willing to come back.  The minister said no thank you we hired someone and she needs the job.  They would rather pay than have my aunt work for free.

She walks into church meetings and the first word out of her mouth is “Now if you all have finished your cigarettes and gossiping, we can do the Lord’s business.”

She fights with everyone.  It’s damn if you do and damn if you don’t.  I’ve seen her change in mid stream just to continue to heckle the person she is talking at.  Yes, I mean at.

She’s in her 80s with heart failure.  Do I feel sympathy?  Regret?  Or frankly anything else?  No.  My first thought was if she has heart failure, she must have a heart.  Who would have thought…

Your life is exactly what you create it.  She created her life.  She created other people’s opinions of her.  No my family did nothing to encourage her to change.  When you protested the reply was “But that’s Edith.”  Yes, that may be her but her behavior was intrusive, anti social, antagonist as well as inappropriate and rude.  She appears to borderline on mentally ill with her inappropriate behavior.  However having worked in psych for over 15 years, I can tell you that my patients were much nicer than she most of the time.

Think carefully because you don’t want a full funeral because people show up to see if you are really dead and then when they see you in your coffin breathe a sigh of relief.