Junk? Sure do and so do you if you open your eyes.

Sorry

Do I have junk in my life? Yeah. Everyone one does. It is what makes you into you at this moment. It’s things you shouldn’t have done or should have done. It’s things you need to make amends for if you won’t hurt the other person worse. It’s things you need to throw out of your life because being together isn’t doing either of you a bit of good. It’s things you just need to let go of because there ain’t no fix, honey. No amount of wishing is every going to change or fix it. It’s done and can’t be undone.

It’s called a Searching and Fearless Moral Inventory of yourself and your life. And you start from the earliest you remember.

What harm have you done? Did you ever spit in a class mate’s face? {don’t look at me. I saw it done.} Did you ever lie, cheat, steal? Did you break up a friend’s relationship? Did you cheat on a loved one? Did you steal from your boss? Did you ignore someone who needed help when you could have gave it and bought an Xbox instead because it wasn’t your problem after all you earned that Xbox and if they really wanted food, they could earn it? What have you done in your life that hurt others? What has been selfish and self-centered?

What have you done that has hurt you? What did you do when you should have actually been selfish and said “No, I’m sorry I can’t now?” Did you go into work on a Saturday when you really didn’t need the money to survive when you could have spent the time with your kids? What part of your life did you cheat? And Who in it did you cheat besides yourself.

There is plenty of junk in our lives. The key is to sorting it out and getting rid of what we can.

The sorting means taking paper and writing it out. You write ever damn thing down from the penny you took from a friend in kindergarten to last week when you told the homeless man you didn’t have a dollar to spare because he should get a fucking job like the rest of us. You write everything down. Every mean nasty hurtful thing you have ever done to anyone including yourself. Every mean nasty little secret and thought you don’t want to the world to know.

There is your junk. All of it. In its dirty, smelly, hateful glory. The reasons humanity will look at you and walk away in disgust leaving you to die alone. You see that fear is built in to most of us. The fear of abandonment. The tribe will leave us and we will die. It was a very real fear for centuries. That’s why we are social. Survival. Not any great love. Pure simple survival.

Now that you got that junk down? What do you do to get rid of it. You call up someone you trust. It can be a friend or a priest but you call up someone and you read that damn list to them somewhere private. You bare your soul to another person. Every damn thing you are afraid of needs to come out. You don’t get to hold one thing back. You have to read it. Now they aren’t you dirty little secret any more. They are out. The tribe [your friend or the priest] knows.

Once they are out they are gone. Oh they don’t go poof but the power they held are gone. Now it is just dirty smelly junk you have to get rid of. And you get to do just that.

Make another list of those who you harmed on that list and put down what you need to do to make it right. Then after you take a really good list [and don’t be a self-centered twat. You got to put everyone and everything on it], look at it.  Honestly look at it and take stock of it.  Who will you hurt more by telling this stuff than keeping your big self-centered mouth shut? You’ll find some. So you do the right thing. Keep that mouth shut. Accept that cannot be changed without causing more harm than good then let go of it and move on.  It’s something you can’t make amends for and the only way you can help the situation is to keep your big mouth shut.   You do not need to go marching up to the husband or wife of a person you slept with 10 years ago who has no clue that you slept with their spouse and say “I am so sorry I screwed your husband/wife until his/her eyes crossed.  What can I do to make amends?”  Don’t.    Not a good thing.  Adding more junk to the list.  Just don’t sleep with anyone else who is married, okay?

Now for the rest. You get to start at the beginning and work your way through the list. No, you do not get to go and say “I’m sorry I did this” and march off. That shit don’t work. Sorry is just that sorry. Saying I’m sorry is the sorriest piece of shit. You have to say “I regret this and I would like to know what I need to do to make amends. I need to set this right between us.”

That’s why I look at those rigid shits who say throw out “I’m sorry” like they were worms. I’m sorry isn’t worth the pixels it just used to type it. AMENDS and REGRETS get down to it. I’m sorry is worth as much as Thank You. Thank You ain’t worth shit either. If you are thankful show it don’t say it. This damn culture depends too much on clutter phrases. You think soldiers deserve a thank you? Drag that fat-assed kid off the couch and encourage him or her to get in shape to join the military. That’s a Thank You. Words ain’t worth shit. It’s what you do that counts.

Now after you have worked your way thru that list and cleared out the junk, you then need to stop more junk from showing up that means every damn day at the end of it, you need to go over what happened that day. What did you do wrong? What did you do right? What do you need to make amends for tomorrow?

Keeps the junk from coming back. Then your house will be in order. You will have no deep dark secret that if anyone found out, they would run screaming from you in horror.

That’s how you get rid of the junk in your life.

Don’t ever ask a drunk with 23 years sober about junk.  You’ll get an earful.  And just may hear some stuff you don’t like about yourself.  Got to be fearless and searching.  Not many of us aren’t cowards.  The brave and through  ones win.  Give it a try.  Being brave isn’t that hard.

Here.  Here’s a worksheet to get you started.  Don’t worry.  It’s a one size fits all.  It doesn’t matter if you are a “normal”, Christian, Drunk, Addict, Do-gooder, or hard worker.  This will fit you .

 

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