Oh, he really needs a wife or a keeper

Really.  Adverb. Works here.  Yes it does.   Wife.  It doesn’t matter if it is male or female.  He just needs a wife.   I mean he takes very good care of me.  I’m the computer.  The laptop gets treated just as well as I do.   [Thank you Daily Prompt for giving ME a chance to speak my mind.  He won’t let me.]

I get carried around a lot more and even spend time in bed with him because he likes the fact he can lift me with two fingers, the advantage of being a netbook.  I’ve even become the go-to-reader.   I mean you can’t get much closer to a guy than sitting on his chest while he is falling asleep.   At least he doesn’t snore.  Much.  Okay, so it is more of a tiny snort once in a while.  He also talks in his sleep.  I can live with that.  Would live be an proper word here?  I live.  Pretty much.  He even named me HAL but what is with this 2012 shit right after my name?   The laptop says he’s a HAL too but I’m the HAL who goes to bed with him, so there.

Oh yeah, the he needs a wife.   The old one kept track of his keys, his appointments, that he hadn’t had a bite of food in hours and his sugar was getting low [he’s hypoglycemic.  He searched that for his half-sister who is also.], where he was in a task and where that damn cell phone was.   It snickers a lot because he can’t find it and he can’t call it here in a dead zone.  Thinks it is rather amusing to see him tear up the house looking for it.    I told it just wait until he puts you on the top of the car and drives off.  Just wait.  It stopped snickering.

He’s an absent-minded professor to the core.  The glasses are another search.  Where did he put his glasses.  He has this habit of losing things. I mean for Pete’s sake, the man can put something down, go into the next room and can’t remember where he put it when he comes back in.

How is it a man who can remember lying in a crib in the afternoon when he was about 8 months old can’t remember where he put the damn can of baked beans he was going to open for lunch to go with the hamburgers?  His short-term memory is crap.

He doesn’t need a cook but he sure needs a bottle washer.  I can’t do that.  A.  I have no arms and legs and B.  I am electric.  Water.  Electric.  Get it?

He hates dishes.  His cooking makes up for those who have to wash the dishes.  The old wife never complained.

It isn’t just me.  Friends have told him over the years that he needed a wife.  One when she was washing his dishes [a big theme] and he was putting up shelves and cooking.  No, she wasn’t a candidate.  She was just a good friend.   One guy when he was helping him move.  He ended up doing dishes and of course my guy was cooking.   No, he wasn’t a candidate.   There have been several others who said the same thing.

He’s one of these guys who just wear a “God, I need a WIFE sign.”  He’s been accused of being too male but they are wrong.  He can cook.  But I agree.  I’m not certain he has a feminine side.  I’ve seen him cry but that is a man crying not being in touch with a feminine side [which he thinks is a bunch of hogwash.  He thinks people are just people and are who they are  with no sides involved.]

They wouldn’t be getting a bad deal.  He’s loyal, honest, devoted, and a bit soft-hearted.  Those damn pigeons take advantage of him.  It’s a to death thing with him when he really commits but he makes sure they know he is committed.  He’s honest about that.  They are never in the dark.   Well, except for the Crazy Russian.  I’ve heard stories about that from his old Navy ball-cap he use to wear with his uniform.  He is stubborn tho.  If he digs his heels in?  You are screwed.  He’s not going to change unless you can make him think it is unfair.  That will set him off and he’ll reevaluate.

Things are so disorganized since the old wife died.  And he’s stubborn. I said that didn’t I?  Well, he is.   It took him 7 years to get around to even dating after the one before this one died.  7 years?  I’ll be HAL  2019 by then and he isn’t getting much younger either.  But he can cook.  It makes me regret being a computer.

He needs a wife or a keeper.  Or I need arms and legs.  And a mouth.   Dinner tonight might be Confetti Corn Bread Crusted Creole Shrimp.  I’ll do the damn dishes as long as I can eat.