Once upon a time [a grown up fairy tale]

You want a twist?  You got a twist.   My fairy tales for Gordon’s enjoyment.   This was merely the introduction to the tales.

Once upon a time there was a farmer and his wife who had a rabbit.  Actually, they had a whole flock of rabbits.   And a duck.  Actually, they had a whole warren of ducks.

Need I tell you the farmer and his wife got confused a lot?  It might be because they lived near Three Mile Island with a bit of seepage going on.  Or it just might be they were confused.  However that is not the point of the story.   The ducks and rabbits were.

A Rabbit being a rabbit and a duck being a duck, managed to get themselves in the family way and the farmer and his wife ended up with a lot more rabbits and ducks.  Since it was close to Easter, he put out a sign saying “Easter Rabbits and Ducks”  He hoped some stupid fools kind persons would take the little rodents dears off his hands.

He got lucky. All that were left was one very pudgy little rabbit and a strange duckling. He looked at the remaining critters in the box and said “I know those two.”

The Farmer’s Wife looked in.

They looked at the small animal and bird  then at each other.  The Farmer said one word,  “Shit.”

Just then a very nice BMW X5 Le Mans Concept  with out-of-state plates pulled up.  The Farmer blinked.  The Farmer’s Wife blinked.

The Farmer leaned down and said quietly into the box “This is your last chance you turkeys.  You go into a Rabbit and Duck Stew if they don’t take you so act normal and cute.”

The Rabbit looked up at the Farmer and blinked.   The Duck looked up at the Farmer and blinked.  Then they looked at each other.  The Rabbit started hopping around looking quite cute while wiggling his little nose and his fluffy tail.   The duck started making soft quacking noises an sat with a dear innocent expression on his face.

The man and his wife looked into the box and the wife  said “Oh, let us take both of them.  They are so darling.”

The husband smiled indulgently.  “Of course dear.”

The Farmer said “Since they are the last two, they will be a dollar each.  We just want the dear little things to have a happy home.”

“Oh they will.  Ducky can swim in my little pond and there is a very nice fenced in back yard for the rabbit.”

As they drove off the Farmer and his Wife high-fived each other and ran for the house.

The Duck and the Rabbit weren’t stupid.  They behaved themselves the whole way back to California.

The duck went and paddled in the nice pond.  The rabbit hopped around the yard.  Everything was fine for a week.

Easter arrived.   When the Man’s Wife went to dye the Easter Eggs she couldn’t find the dye.   “Honey, have you seen the dye?”

He lowered the paper just as the Tie-Dyed duck strolled across in front of the French Windows.  He was wearing the Man’s Wife’s earrings.

The man went to the French Doors and looked out.   He saw the Rabbit and something feathery.  He opened the door and walked out on the patio.    Taking a closer look he realized the Rabbit and the neighbor’s prize rooster were…

No, they couldn’t be.   They were both male and that was an inter-species relationship.  He looked again.    Swallowed.  Said “Oh dear.”    Walked back in the house and pulled the drapes shut.

The Wife came out of the kitchen.  “What?”

“Nothing.  We need to buy more dye.”


“No reason.  I think the others got used. ”

The Rabbit hopped in the French doors and hopped up on the desk.  He took two cigarettes and hopped out.

“And more cigarettes.  A lot more cigarettes.”

He pulled the drapes back and the wife looked at the duck paddling around the duck pond wearing her earrings and watched the bright pink and blue swirls combine to make a nice pattern.   The rooster and the rabbit were having a smoke on the flower bed.

“Oh.”   She pulled the drapes shut.

They looked at each other  and said at the same time, “Shit.”