I hate my book.

I read posts from people saying they  hated their book in NaNoWriMo .  I wondered what was wrong with them.

I understand now.  MY 80,000 words is back to 43,000 after I pulled out the Serial Killer scenes.  He did have a major role in the book.    Now I am wondering if I should have pulled them or if I should put them back in and try to make them work.  But the second plot I came up with works also and expands some things but I don’t have an ending for that.  I have an ending for the serial killer plot.

I HATE my book.  I really do.  I feel like I am going in circles.   I am not expected to have more than 40000 words because everything I do takes me back to that word count.   I have half a book.  I hate Stephen Cannell at the moment too because he’s the one that made me look at it again.   It doesn’t matter that he’s right.  I hate him.

And my sister, who I emailed in an attempt to get support because she is a published writer, just tells me :

Snigger.

Wait until you start the line editing and you discover you’ve got a big plot hole you never noticed before.   And the number of times you’ve over used the same word.    And repeated yourself

I could go on, but you’ll only hit me.

She had better be bloody glad she lives in England because I would have got in the car, drove to her house and gave her a good ole brother slap, what Mum says about it be damned.  You know I sort of forgot what sisters are like.  Evil.

It’s no bloody wonder writers drink.

[bloody autocorrect that thinks it knows more than you do.  I wanted plural not possessive.  Dumb writer who didn’t catch it until this round. Damn spell check took a damn day off too. I need to whack it with a wrench. AND… Yoohoo Editor?  Slacking aren’t you?  Off with some good looking guy instead of doing your job.]

I’m sitting here with two plot variations about the same story and have no idea which way to go with the plot.   Oh, and there is a third Plot variation.  I can pull out both those first two Plot lines and generate one without them to make a third plot choice.  The simple fact is the book exists without those first two plot lines.  It has a solid plot without throwing in child molesters or serial killers.   The sad fact is I want them in there.  It might be because I read mostly mysteries.  My shelves are filled with them. My to read list is almost all mysteries.

I feel comfortable with the serial killer and child molesters because I worked in Forensic Psych for years.  I understand how the bad guy ticks.  My serial killer really is a beautiful piece of self-absorbed killer.  He was the easiest damn thing to write.   His voice was like second nature.

Ok, I’ll admit here, it makes me a little worried that I have so little trouble with the bad guy.

Back to plots.  I’m not madly in love with the serial killer character, I just like him.  He’s complicated.  Very complicated.  He would give De Sade chills.   I understand I don’t have to throw him away.  I mean he can kick back, relax and kill Redheads all he wants until I write about him.

It is just… well damn it… I don’t want to write a bloody love story.    I don’t.  And I am trying very hard not to write it.  That’s why I keep sticking him and the child molester in the plot but the blanking story isn’t about that.  It’s about the two main characters and overcoming internal issues not defeating a serial killer.     I’m pouting.  I just realized that.  I am pouting.  My story went off on a damn tangent all its own and the damn characters wrote it not me.  That would work except they aren’t on the same page.  The serial killer is writing one book and Joe, Mac and Will are writing another book.

I did the Busy Writers One Hour Plot  exercises to see if everything jived.  It didn’t. It also wasn’t a big surprise.    My story question had nothing to do with catching a serial killer.  As Cannell would say, my story had become dishonest.

So last night I opened a second Scrivener project named Standing Stone Rewrite and I’m going back through this the dirty way.   That means scene by scene.   So my first rewrite is a plot fix.

The next damn NaNoWriMo, I’ll have a damn plot let me tell you.   Now give me a damn vodka with just a hint of OJ in it.  I need a drink.

Sigh… Editor is back.. I should have kept my big mouth shut.
And yes Editor I can have a story question. It is the main question about the plot that the hero has to solve. Here are some examples [scroll to the middle]

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